The bumper sticker on my truck says More Powerful than Any Religion. People often ask me what is more powerful. There are many forces one cannot resist and watching one struggle against such forces is both comedy and tragedy.
Life contains more ecstasy and more struggle than I am capable of absorbing. The overflow causes riptides that carry me far from shore. Some days I tread water for hours; others I drown.
My son’s will is the greatest force I have witnessed in my lifetime, barring forces of nature.
Absence and longing are powerful forces. The intricacies of friendships and love maintained through time and across long distances both bruise and ripen a soul.
My fortitude to keep going is resistance enough for now.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Friday, April 23, 2004
May Cause Drowsiness
My son has been sick for the last three days. Not so great that he had a fever over 100 for two evenings, but blessedly sweet for me since bedtime was a breeze (not the typical struggle) and it came early. Yeah, personal time for Mama!
Then came last night. A visit to the doctor yesterday resulted in a trip to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic and some other concoction to prevent boogerville. So I am pleasantly excited when I see the "May Cause Drowsiness" warning on BOTH bottles. I'm thinking another easy bedtime and begin making mental notes about how I'll use my free time.
Ha! Twenty minutes after the pharmaceuticals hit his bloodstream it's as if he did a line of coke. The next two hours present some of the best entertainment and frustration thus far in my experience with parenthood. Hell, I ran two miles last night, but this single bedtime stint was harder than that.
While I did dissolve into a ball of tears from the frustration of the 2-hour bedtime routine and his apparent thrill over hitting me, what emerges once I regain clarity is most hysterical.
Here are my favorites:
It's at this point that I stop relating to him as a rotten child, but rather someone who's on a good trip. We go back to bed and he rolls around talking to himself some more and I doze off to sleep before he does.
The medication is to be administered for 10 days.
Then came last night. A visit to the doctor yesterday resulted in a trip to the pharmacy to pick up an antibiotic and some other concoction to prevent boogerville. So I am pleasantly excited when I see the "May Cause Drowsiness" warning on BOTH bottles. I'm thinking another easy bedtime and begin making mental notes about how I'll use my free time.
Ha! Twenty minutes after the pharmaceuticals hit his bloodstream it's as if he did a line of coke. The next two hours present some of the best entertainment and frustration thus far in my experience with parenthood. Hell, I ran two miles last night, but this single bedtime stint was harder than that.
While I did dissolve into a ball of tears from the frustration of the 2-hour bedtime routine and his apparent thrill over hitting me, what emerges once I regain clarity is most hysterical.
Here are my favorites:
- Child nursing (I'm thinking he's settling down for peaceful slumber), only to quickly pull himself off the breast to break into a loud rendition of "The Old Man is Snoring." I didn't realize the significance of the line "He bumped his head and didn't get up in the morning" until later.
- During our discussion about gender and the physical traits one has if one is male/female, he determined that our friend Kepola is a man. She is a bearded lady, so he's clearly aware of the thin veil of our black and white definition of male and female. Or, it could be he was hallucinating.
- We're rocking, chilling out as best he can in a drug-induced stupor, when he says that he doesn't have feet, he just has a head. I become totally in tune with how he feels! My party days are long behind me (groan), but I can related to that feeling.
It's at this point that I stop relating to him as a rotten child, but rather someone who's on a good trip. We go back to bed and he rolls around talking to himself some more and I doze off to sleep before he does.
The medication is to be administered for 10 days.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Wind, More
Tonight the wind was both helper and hindrance. I increased to the next level on my training program (the goal being to finish a 5k in August). While I ran east the wind was helper, but on the long trip back home the wind turned on me. Good news was that I exceeded my goal for the night, so I was pleased.
As I increase my running regimen, I find myself haunted by the summer of 1998 and all the intricacies of my life then - three lovers, only one of whom was healthy and made me happy, rocky roads with my partner, the death of my partner's grandmother and the best physical health of my life. That time was complicated and sad, although I didn't realize it until things fell apart.
I'm thrilled to find myself on the other side with my relationship surviving well and now one of the most satisfying aspects of my life. Now I find myself running with the content feeling that I run home to something whole, instead of running from things that were falling apart back then. If only I knew this were possible, I wouldn't have waited six years to start running again.
As I increase my running regimen, I find myself haunted by the summer of 1998 and all the intricacies of my life then - three lovers, only one of whom was healthy and made me happy, rocky roads with my partner, the death of my partner's grandmother and the best physical health of my life. That time was complicated and sad, although I didn't realize it until things fell apart.
I'm thrilled to find myself on the other side with my relationship surviving well and now one of the most satisfying aspects of my life. Now I find myself running with the content feeling that I run home to something whole, instead of running from things that were falling apart back then. If only I knew this were possible, I wouldn't have waited six years to start running again.
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