My sensitive son has begun to experience the harsh realities of the world and he is now trespassing in a place where my love is not the consolation it once was.
Earlier this week he came to us crushed because the extended day children (aka the 5yos) told him he was too little to be in extended day - the afternoon part of Montessori. He was sincerely crushed that he could not have the perceived benefits of extended day children - the ability to leave your work out and continue to explore. He seemed so distraught that his peers saw him as unacceptable.
The most recent episode involved his nearly constant fixation with meat-eating. As vegetarians, we have explained why we don't eat meat and he understands where meat comes from and that you need to hunt and kill the animal when you eat it. However, the reality set in last night when he looked at me, eyes filled with tears, and said "But if you eat meat then the chicken can't be with its baby." I made him repeat it to be sure I heard correctly. He was so intense, so hurt and amazingly beautiful. And nothing I could do or say could make his pain better. In the end, he consoled himself. "I have an idea. Maybe another chicken can come be with the baby chicken."
One of my personal flaws is that I want to fix the problems of the people I love. I want to spare them the pain of their struggle - to remove it entirely. It hurts too much to watch them struggle. I can't bear it with my son - I want to cry when I see that he understands and feels the cold, ugly realities of our world. I can no longer shield him. I can't take it away and I can't make it better. I'm left a bumbling idiot holding him as his beautiful black eyes cloud over in a pool of tears.
I hold on to the hope that he will find a safe harbor for his disappointment with the world and over time he will be compelled to resist and create change.
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